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The guilt of mommyhood

When do you ever get comfortable making the decision to be a stay at home mom?  Will it ever come to lose the guilt of not working outside of the home?  I have had a job since I was 16 years old, I’ve been very successful in my previous working life.  I had a job that I loved and I was well respected and made a great salary.  But I had to leave my job when I was 4 months pregnant and put on complete bed rest.  Having previously lost a child at 5 1/2 months gestation we knew that it was a very real probability that I could lose the twins too.  It was a scary time for us for sure.  Not only did we live day to day wondering if I was going to go into premature labor but we had the added stress of a now slimmed income.  Liam Nicholas and Lennon Grace were born at 7 months gestation, very early.  That in itself was a harrowing battle that I will go into more detail later but they lived in the NICU for two months.

The nurses and doctors recommended very strongly that we not put the kids in a daycare setting for the first two years due to their compromised immune systems.  So it wasn’t even a discussion except to say that we both knew what we wanted to do.  I would stay home with them for at least the first two years, hopefully three if we could afford it.  Shannon took a promotion at work to bring in more money but meant that she would be away from home more and more.  So now I have the struggles of are we doing the right thing for our family?  Should I be working?  Should the kids be in daycare?  Should Shannon be home more?  I know that some of my questions come from pressures, that I’m sure are made up, from friends or family.  I am the first to joke about not having a job so that I can beat anyone else to the punch.  I feel like other people think I should be able to do it all.  Probably a big reason that Sugar Rush Designs was created.  To give myself reassurance that I am more than a “just a stay at home mommy.”

I feel fulfilled as a stay at home mom, I feel like I give my children 100% of the attention and interaction that they deserve.  I know that they benefit from me staying home with them in many ways.  They are 16 months old and have only recently had a mild stomach bug.  No other illness that may have sent them back to the hospital.  That’s a big relief for all of us and an assurance that we made the right decisions for that reason any way.

Have you ever wondered what a 2 pound 7 ounce baby looks like?  🙂  This was the day they were born, the tiniest things I have ever seen!  Today these little miracles are happy and healthy and I hope that I can find peace in knowing that our decisions have helped them become who they are meant to be!


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  • October 20, 2014 - 2:06 am

    April Fisher - I was a premie too and I weighed 2 lbs 7oz. I was born Aug 18th, due Oct 18th. So happy they are doing good.ReplyCancel